ZANY THINGS HAPPEN AT THE POKER TABLE
(Distributed April 18, 2006)
Ask poker players why they play and four common answers will be to have fun, win money, meet new people and fuel that competitive fire.
There’s one more reason not to be overlooked — you see and hear crazy things at the poker table! Here are some of my favorites:
IT’S GETTING HOT IN HERE
One night a decade ago at a casino boat on the Mississippi River, I was sitting to the left of Virgil, a hulking but likeable old geezer who chain smoked and always was louder than everybody else. When he wasn’t nodding off in the middle of a hand, that is.
After a while, an older woman with a big hairdo took the open seat to Virgil’s right. He politely welcomed her to the action, but she wasn’t real happy when Virgil’s cigarette smoke invariably drifted her way. She fanned it with her hand and leaned back, but couldn’t escape the fumes. Complaining didn’t help because Virgil didn’t care. The more she protested, the more he smoked.
The craziness ended about an hour later when Virgil set her hair on fire! He was holding his cigarette beside his ear, too close to the woman’s frizzy hair. Smoke was rising from the side of her head!
Another player saw her hair being singed and blurted: “Ma’am, your hair is burning!” Virgil yanked his hand down, she quickly patted out the smoldering strands, then gathered her chips and left in a huff.
Virgil passed away a couple of years ago. I never asked if the conflagration was intentional or not.
YOU CAN HAVE THE POT, SIR
The Commerce Casino in Los Angeles is the world’s largest poker room, so I was ready for almost anything on my first visit there about five years ago.
My low-limit hold’em game seemed friendly enough, but I was losing a little and trying hard to pick up a few pots to get even. Finally I peeked down at A-K suited and raised. Everyone folded except an older man sitting across from me.
An ace came on the board right away, so I bet my hand all the way through. The man called each time. At the end, I showed my pair of aces and he tossed his cards into the muck. While stacking my winnings, I noticed that the man had pulled something from his pocket.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was holding a small gun in plain view! Then he started talking about how he always loses at the Commerce and he was tired of it. I was frozen in my chair. No one at the table said a word. Incredibly, neither did the dealer, who nonchalantly dealt the next hand.
The man put the gun away and the game went on. I waited for a couple of minutes to avoid being obvious, then casually got up as if to go to the restroom. Out of the man’s sight, I flagged down the first card room manager I saw and told him what happened.
He looked over at the table, recognized the man and said: “Oh, that’s just Roy. He’s harmless. The last time I kicked him out he had a knife. I’ll take care of it.” Yikes!
TURN ON THE LIGHTS
It’s great how poker brings together, if only for a while, people of every age, race and nationality. Poker’s a common denominator, regardless of the cast of players.
My buddy Scott and I were playing at separate tables at the Hustler Casino in L.A. the first week it opened in the summer of 2000. The room is round, with an enclosed ceiling-vented atrium in the center where players can smoke.
My stud game was fun and lively with lots of chips in play. I knew I could win back the $200 I was stuck (which I did), but I was ready for an atrium visit to regroup. Just moments before, an Asian player to my right left the game and a distinguished-looking, sharply-dressed African-American man about 70 years old sat down beside me. His arrival meant I was the only white guy at the table, even counting the dealer.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, ready for a few puffs. “You can’t leave,” the stately gentleman said in a soft but serious-sounding voice. I didn’t know what to think. So I said, “I’ll be back in just a minute, I promise,” trying to keep the mood light. “You can’t leave,” he said again.
Still in my chair, and just a little shook up, I said, “It’s OK, my friend and I are just gonna have a smoke and I’ll be right back.” He looked my way and said, “You don’t understand. If you leave, this table will be too dark!”
The dealer and the players, probably aware of what the kindly old fellow was doing, burst out laughing. I turned red and playfully pushed him on the shoulder, saying, “Man, you had me going.”
It’s the funniest line I’ve ever heard at a poker table. Anybody out there have a better one?
E-mail your poker questions and comments to russ@luckydogpoker.com for use in future columns. To find out more about Russ Scott and read previous LuckyDog Poker columns, visit www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2006 RUSS SCOTT
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.